My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
