Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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