The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
