I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
