All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
