I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
