I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
