I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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