I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
