It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
