At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
