Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
