You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
