Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
