Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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