She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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