White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
