Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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