is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
