You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
