I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
