I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
