I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
