i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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