Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
