I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
