I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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