My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
