if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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