It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
