Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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