your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
