this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think people are normalizing furries
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
