How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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