2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
