Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
