Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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