Cold hands, warm shart.
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
