just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
