Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
