uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
