she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize