your room smells of hookers.
And success
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
a search helicopter?!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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