the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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