OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
