I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize