i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
