why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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