just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
bring money and cleavage
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
