Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
