Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
