i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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