No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
