lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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