i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
