I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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