You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
