would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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