I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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