Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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