we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so let's talk penis.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
