never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
