so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
