Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
