TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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