I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
