i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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